WizKids Launches Jason Wyngarde Department To Fix Overproduction Error; Releases Franklin Galactus

WizKids is still recovering from the warehouse incident which led to their entire line of Galactus – Devourer of Worlds colossals being covered in 32 grids of blood, but a new production error may have an even more devastating effect on the company’s profits.

When WizKids’ Penny Keñya sent the production team the order for the upcoming Fantastic Four set, his illegible handwriting somehow made them think he was requesting 10,371 more Jason Wyngarde chases. The warehouse spent weeks fulfilling this peculiar order, and spent the bulk of WizKids’ third quarter production quota doing so.

“Our company won’t be able to afford to release the upcoming Spider-Man/Venom: Absolute Carnage set as intended unless we figure out a way to sell some of these f*cking Wyngarde’s,” Keñya admitted in a press statement. “That being said, we now have our best minds working on making this garbage figure a bit more desirable.”

As everyone knows, Jason Wygarde is an utter dumpster fire. He can only create two overpowered pogs, and his Mind Control can only potentially target an entire team in one turn. Finally making him playable is an unquestionably difficult task, but WizKids has reportedly launched a new Jason Wyngarde Department which will work with its Gameplay Department and Play-Testing Department (which consists of three drunk chimpanzees and that guy from your local venue who only plays with figures he deems “comic accurate”) to figure out creative ways to increase the Hellfire Club reject’s value.

This department’s first major innovation is the creation of the Franklin Galactus pog, which will come out with the release of next month’s Fantastic Four set. This pog will pack Pulse Wave, and Impervious to increase its survivability. Unfortunately, it only has a 12 attack – which is measly when compared to chase Ultron’s 14 attack – so it’s probably not going to hit anything. And when it does miraculously hit, it’s only capable of dishing out 5 damage. Franklin Galactus’ 20 defense probably isn’t going to stop anyone from hitting it, either, and his 10 range doesn’t even allow him full-map reach. Sure, his reach can change with some Telekinesis since the single-base colossal can be placed freely, but who even uses Telekinesis?

Franklin Galactus is a decent first step for the Jason Wyngarde Department, but if WizKids hopes to unload more than a small handful of the 10,371 Jason Wyngarde’s they have collecting dust in their warehouse, the company is going to need to do better.