“ROLL20 Is Out To Get Me!” Swears Heroclix Player Who Just Can’t Seem To Hit That Opening 8

In an attempt to get their regular gaming fix (and some much-needed time away from the increasingly annoying “loved ones” they’ve been locked away in quarantine with), Heroclix competitors across the world have flocked to Roll20.

Online events are reporting record participation numbers, but Walter “Chap” Garnell says that he’s officially done with the popular virtual platform and thinks other players should follow his lead.

“There’s something shady going on behind the scenes of that website,” swears Garnell. “It has some sort of personal vendetta against me, I can’t hit the broad side of a barn when I play on it!”

Garnell is considered to be one of the rising stars of the Pacific Northwest (a region ClixHole can confirm does in fact exist and has at least four active players), but when he faced off against players from Texas, New Jersey and other major Heroclix states in the Comic Clique Classic this month, he found himself unable to win a game. Garnell insists that his losses were the result of flaws in the Roll20 code, and that he made all the right moves in each match.

“I could’ve one-shot an Exodus in my first game… I pumped up my damage to a 6 and only needed an 8 to take it out against I think only two theme probs, and I rolled a 7! Eight is like the easiest roll in the game to hit, and I couldn’t even land that 75% chance or whatever it is.”

Garnell tokened out his Amazo to make that potentially fatal blow, and due to more “Roll20 dice shenanigans,” the lauded tentpole fell in the following turn.

Garnell noticed that this trend continued throughout the tournament. He continually perplexed up his damage to take out major threats in a single hit, but his “whack ass” virtual rolls simply wouldn’t cooperate.

“I was so much better than so many of my opponents and totally tricked them into letting me get kill-shots, but there was nothing I could do,” added a disgruntled Garnell. “Someone must have hacked Roll20 and turned it against me, this is ridiculous.”

John Smith, a member of the 12-18th ranked Heroclix team Neutralized & Up, swears that he too suffers from this potential Roll20 virus and is better than his 1-3 record in the recent Gangreen Cup tournament.

“My Spider-Man team only rolled out of 9 consecutive attacks, it’s complete B.S. that I missed that last Super Senses and got wiped out towards the end of the game,” complained Smith. I was doing such a great job running away after killing that one 10 point figure, and Roll20 just decided to screw me over!”

If you too are experiencing traumatic losses due to the questionable rolls of Roll20, please reach out to ClixHole with your stories.