Hey all you cool cats and kittens, we’re taking a brief break from the hard-hitting, totally not-made-up news to bring you something the Heroclix community desperately needs — a drinking game to get you through the inevitably 30 hour experience that will be ROC Team Nationals!
Grab your drink of choice and prepare to get HYDRATED, because this game’s going to keep you busy.
DRINK ONE SHOT IF:
- The waiting time between rounds takes more than 30 minutes.
- You get paired up against a teammate or local friend you play regularly.
- You are playing against chase Widow and roll a 4 or less.
- The ROC input the wrong team for you.
- You and your opponent are both set up and ready to play, but you have to wait another hour because a bunch of people aren’t GMs in their Roll20 page or some other bullshit, so you need to drink to be able to ignore the awkward silence and forced small talk.
DRINK TWO SHOTS WHEN:
- You Probability Control yourself into a Critical Miss.
- Your opponent Probability Controls themself into a Critical Hit.
- You play a Vulture team that ends your game in the first twenty minutes.
- You get put on the Mr. Clixso livestream.
- You play one of the 27 Phoenix Nest teams… or a team mockingly named after them.
CHUG UNTIL YOU HAVE TO STOP IF:
- You get paired up against the team that you knew pre-tournament was the best counter to your own team.
- You get embarrassed that it’s only been two rounds yet you’ve been at your computer for five hours and your kids are asking when you’ll play with them and your wife is considering a divorce because “really, you’re going to be on that computer all day for the second weekend in a row when there’s so much work to do around the house and it’s your turn to pay attention to the offspring you agreed to create when you didn’t pull out like you’d promised. My mom was right about you, I’ve wasted ten years of my life for this?! You know what, keep playing your game, see if I’m still here when you’re done.”
- You win your game, triumphantly report your score to your teammates but discover that they both lost and you probably aren’t going to make cut. As you drink, be sure to think about your life and whether you’d prefer friends who aren’t such losers.
- You actually make top cut and have to go through all this shit again on Sunday.