Quarantine Has “Heroclix Hostility” At An All-Time High!

I’m Vicki Vale with breaking inside news for ClixHole.com! Recent feedback put together by WizKids has shown that Roll20 simply isn’t filling the void of playing locally with friends. According to data released by the organization this afternoon, anger towards… well, just about anything, is up 3000%!

We here at ClixHole questioned the legitimacy of that statistic, and hit the streets in an attempt to find supporting evidence. After all, WizKids isn’t known for being entirely forthcoming with players —they also claim to play-test their products, and to that we have two words: Felix Faust!

I was able to have a quick one-on-one with world champion Jorge MahSoo, to get his opinion of the survey and his current mental state during this global pandemic. He quickly told me to “suck it, nerd,” pushed me down, and stole my lunch money. I could hear him mumbling something about a Black Widow gravity feed as he continued through the Target parking lot.

Reports have also come in that Heroclix dish washing enthusiast Ares Edge was recently seen firing his Meals on Wheels food at the elderly while similarly mumbling about a Black Widow gravity feed.

We feel that these two incidents are connected, and suspect this new anger spike directly leads back to Dustin Seeders and his team, the Uncanny Clixmen! It would seem that ever since the Gungam Cup and the introduction of the chase Black Widow into competitive play, players across the US have been risking life and limb to procure the latest gravity feed. When their searches prove fruitless, they develop extreme anxiety which can only be diminished through acts of violence.

God only knows what’s happening in Canada! If the “Black Widow Fever” can have such a catastrophic effect on someone known for being one of the most likable players in the game—Jorge MahSoo, that is, not that bridge troll Edge—we can only imagine what is happening to Canadian sweetheart Tom Kerr.

When we have more news on these trends, you know your friends here at ClixHole will supply you with the latest updates. We have more f***ing scoops than Raisin Bran! This is Vicki Vale, good day.