EXCLUSIVE: Are The Uncanny Clixmen Actually A Religious Cult?

The Eagles’ Gongaii Cup is nearing its end, and the Uncanny Clixmen have dominated the post-rotation event with a deadly team that utilizes two CAAV 054 Captain Marvel and the latest chase to take over the Modern metagame, BW 017 Black Widow.

Created by two-time National Champion Dustin Seeders, the team has the ability to do significant amounts of damage without even rolling dice. The strength of the pieces on this main force and the additional figures it can bring into the game makes Seeders’ squad a smart play in the post-rotation metagame, but after interviewing members of the Uncanny Clixmen, ClixHole can exclusively confirm that the team’s ability to take down the competition isn’t actually why the group of Texas players chose to collectively run it.

“Fam, when Jesus—erm, I mean, Dustin—tells you to play a team, you play it,” stated Micah Love in an exclusive interview. “I prayed and prayed for a replacement for Shredders, and the good Lord finally gave me my miracle. Poison for days, boomers!!”

Love’s fellow Clixmen gave similar quotes which seemingly likened Seeders to a religious deity, and further questioning confirmed that the entire group of Seeders’ followers genuinely believes him to be the second coming of Christ and copy his team as a form of worship. The Clixmen additionally admitted that, at their leader’s request, they drink wine prior to every game while chanting “the blood of Dustin.” Except for Love, of course, who opts for Kool-Aid because he’s like, 16 years old or something.

“I don’t know about Dustin being the Savior or whatever, but he’s from Texas, so it makes sense. What other state could be the new Holy Land? Texas forever motherf—-ers,” wrote Matt Donham in a statement.

When ClixHole reporters asked Seeders if he grows out his hair for the sole purpose of perpetuating this ruse, he opted not to comment. However, when one reporter sneezed in front of the acclaimed champion, he was recorded saying “I bless you.”