BREAKING NEWS: WizKids Forgot To Put Symbiote Characters In Spider-Man/Venom: Absolute Carnage

WizKids’ upcoming Fantastic Four set hasn’t even reached shelves yet, but Heroclix players are already mentally moving on to the new hotness – Spider-Man/Venom: Absolute Carnage. The set’s name made collectors assume that it will be filled with symbiote characters such as Toxin, Scream, Lasher, Riot, and—of course—Venom and Carnage…. but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

WizKids’ Penny Keñya was too busy scoring babes and swimming with dolphins to ever touch a comic book when he was growing up, so when the company tasked him with creating the Spider-Man/Venom: Absolute Carnage set list, the charismatic employee couldn’t think of any characters to include outside of the friendly neighborhood web-slinger himself. He reportedly did a quick Google search of other characters who have taken on the name Spider-Man and threw them onto the list in a haphazard attempt to create diversity, but when that didn’t prove to be enough, he was forced to get creative.

Keñya told ClixHole off-the-record (but let’s be real, we were never going to honor that agreement) that he’s a closeted Hamilton fan, so he created a new Spider-Verse character in which the wall-crawler dons the outfit of an American founding father. To balance out that minor eccentricity, he also created a Wild West-themed Spider-Man. Lastly, to appease the three females worldwide who play Heroclix, he threw in a Spider-Gwen or two… but he made sure she wasn’t too powerful because Black Widow and Captain Marvel are already overplayed and “it’s weird when guys play with little figurines of busty plastic women.”

It wasn’t until production already started that WizKids finally realized how few unique characters will actually be in Spider-Man/Venom: Absolute Carnage, so at the last second, the company added a few re-sculpted Captain America and Iron Man figures to the set list.