When the Realms Open Championship’s curated map list for this month’s virtual Heroclix Nationals Singles And Teams events was received poorly by the online gaming community, ROC owner Brock Howie promised to post a video explaining the organization’s controversial decision. Howie followed through with this promise on Sunday morning, but his video was revealing in a completely unplanned and game-altering manner.
While explaining exactly why The Docks map is just way too overpowered and highly-sought-after to stay legal any longer, a gust of wind seemingly moved the curtains in his Alabama home and caused a ray of sunlight to shine upon Howie. For a brief moment, the light illuminated a number of strings attached to his body. A horde of masked individuals quickly rushed into the frame to block the camera and fix the lighting, but in the commotion, two strings connected to Howie’s head and neck snapped and the iconic Heroclix figurehead slumped over lifelessly.
The Realms Open Championship Facebook Live video was then immediately turned off, and the tens of people who actually tune in for Heroclix-related Facebook Live videos were left wondering what on Earth just happened.
While Howie’s “son” E.A.S.T.O.N. explained on multiple Heroclix pages that his father simply fell asleep during the stream, a source who is choosing to remain anonymous “out of fear for his life and the lives of his loved ones” is confirming exclusively to ClixHole that that’s not the case.
“The jig is up. It’s pretty obvious now that Howie is our puppet, so I’m getting off this ship before it sinks,” admitted the source via e-mail.
This e-mail went on to detail the existence of an organization called the Inner Circle, which has supposedly been controlling the game of Heroclix for most of the past decade. While ClixHole will not expose all of this organization’s members by name out of fear of libel (LOL), we can state that the list includes a number of past Nationals, World’s and ROC Cup winners.
For years, these elite players have claimed to be mid-to-upper middle class, but our source states that they’re all secretly former Wall Street investment bankers with millions of dollars in their bank accounts. This vast wealth has allowed them to purchase high-end Heroclix pieces, and helped them pay WizKids top employees to ensure the game will remain pay-to-win. It’s also led to the development of figures with hidden loopholes they could exploit pre-errata or watchlist, and helped them get several illogical rulings in their favor.
Our source went on to explain that when model citizen and eternal dreamboat Penny Keñya joined the WizKids staff, WizKids stopped accepting Inner Circle bribes. This led to the catastrophic victories of non-Circle player Dustin Seeders and two members of Clixed On. The Inner Circle could not allow this to continue, so they discreetly murdered ROC owner Howie Brock and replaced him with an extremely realistic and absurdly expensive mannequin they could operate via a number of thin but sturdy strings. Through this new Howie, the Inner Circle masterminded a merger between the Realms Open Championship and WizKids, which allowed them to infiltrate WizKids just like HYDRA infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. in Captain America: The Winter Soldier.
The Inner Circle spent billions creating a pandemic which would ensure the complete elimination of WizKids’ Nationals and World’s tournaments, and replace them with virtual Realms Open Championship Nationals and World’s tournaments. They created unbalanced and inevitably-overpriced figures, established ownership rules which benefit those with the biggest wallets, and now they’ve developed a map list which can help guarantee victory for their legion of members.
“Perry Gordon has never won a game on The Docks, and now The Docks is banned. Fred Adamman’s team loses to Batman prime, and now WWE Arena is banned. Do you sheep really think that’s just coincidence,” mocked our source.
He went on to detail more Inner Circle controversies, such as a particular Team World’s event where one winning team switched out their boosters with prepacked ones which included a +11 theme team and numerous chases and super rares. The scandals are too numerous to list in full, and not even ClixHole is brave enough to challenge some of the more influential and powerful members of this diabolical organization.